To Have and to Pee

I have to admit that when I started this blog I came up with the name “All Dina Does” because it sounded fun. And let’s face it, everyone loves alliteration. But to be completely honest, there is not really much that I “do”. I have been living in a vacuum seal of work, school, work that I hadn’t much time to do anything else but the two. But this past month I filled my calendar with numerous social events (gasp!) and ended with a trip home for nothing other than my best friend’s wedding.

I will say that the two shows I did attend undeniably deserve their own posts as they were the incredible “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime” and “Hamilton.” Which I did not believe I was seeing until I was actually in my seat and the theater lights dimmed.  I rode the wave of theatrical emotion until I boarded the plane home to attend Chelsea’s wedding.

I have reached the point in my relationship with Los Angeles where I appreciate the small amounts of time we get to spend apart. Flying to visit my hometown is always a welcome vacation. If this vacation lasts a maximum of 7 days, does not take place between to the months of November-March due to weather and you have an understanding that there is always something to do and someone to see. If you understand all of this then you’re good.

Everything felt like a flurried rush until the wedding on Friday night that I found myself crouching next to the toilet holding Chelsea’s dress up as she peed before the ceremony started.

Chelsea and I met in Girl Scouts when we were seven and have created a friendship that has withstood time, distance and her sometimes nauseating around the clock happiness. And as I did my best friend duty by holding her dress and  checking for deodorant I wondered if I could ever allow myself to be this happy.

Of course women are happy on their wedding day but like happy everyday? That seems like it requires so much work. And of course I am happy… I think, or I am consciously working toward being happy. I mean I am happy with various parts of my life, my relationship, my job, friendships. But like consistently happy? Is that a thing?

At least it was never a thing for me, if I had a therapist, which I keep telling myself I will get one, they would probably tell me that I have inherent issues about happiness and regret and some other things that have bogged me since childhood.

So what to do with all of this happiness? How do you process fears of not being able to be happy? Who the hell has the answers to all of this? I found my answer on a nonstop flight back from Buffalo to LAX.

A couple, who may or may not have been an official couple. Or may or may not have been an official couple to only one involved. Anyway, they argued the entire way from takeoff to landing. I’m not joking, they literally argued about everything from Instagram, to Darien Lake, to the gentleman finally saying “We’re just friends. We’re friends who fuck. We’re just friends.” Eric and I needless to say were thoroughly entertained. We sat like school children and passed notes back and forth tying to figure out what they were actually fighting about, or if they were on vacation and if so why were they on vacation with each other at all. And sitting there listening to a non-couple couple fight while simultaneously being a couple with someone that made me happy. I decided on happiness.

I decided that we are in charge of our own happiness. And I was in charge of mine. Sometimes its doesn’t happen often and sometimes it’s hard to find, but controlling the amount of energy we spend on creating happiness is up to no one but myself. And that is all the energy I can muster right now.

Because this post is about happiness it is only right to share happy moments from my happiest friend’s wedding.

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